Anguished English: An Anthology of Accidental Assualts Upon Our Language   [ANGUISHED ENGLISH] [Mass Market Paperback]

"Anguished English" is the impossibly humorous anthology of unintended attacks upon our language. From bloopers and error to indicators of the days to combined Up Metaphors...from Two-Headed Headlines to Mangling Modifiers, here's an outrageous treasury of attacks upon our universal language that would depart you roaring with pride and laughter.

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4 instances. Q. Did he decide the puppy up through the ears? A. No. Q. What was once he doing with the dog's ears? A. picking out them up within the air. Q. the place was once the puppy at present? A. connected to the ears. Q. health practitioner, what percentage autopsies have you ever played on lifeless humans? A. All my autopsies were on lifeless humans. Q. have been you familiar with the decedent? A. sure, sir. Q. prior to or after he died? Q. Officer, what led you to think the defendant used to be lower than the effect? A. simply because he used to be argumentary, and he could not pronunciate his phrases. Q. What occurred then? A. He informed me, he says, "I need to kill you since you can determine me. " Q. Did he kill you? A. No. Q. Mrs. Jones, is your visual appeal this morning pursuant to a deposition detect which I despatched on your lawyer? A. No. this is often how I costume while i am going to paintings. Q. have you been arrested? A. convinced. Q. What for? A. stressful a feminine. Q. you are saying you are blameless, but 5 humans swore they observed you thieve an eye. A. Your Honor, i will produce 500 those who did not see me scouse borrow it. pass judgement on. good, gents of the jury, are you unanimous? FOREMAN. sure, your Honor, we are all alike - briefly insane. THE court docket. Now, as we commence, i have to ask you to banish all current details and prejudice out of your minds, when you have any. Q. while he went, had you long past and had she, if she desired to and have been capable, in the intervening time apart from all of the restraints on her to not pass additionally, could he have introduced you, that means you and he or she, with him to the station. A. MR. BROOKS. Objection. that query could be taken out and shot. Q. on the time you first observed Dr. McCarty, had you ever obvious him sooner than that point? pass judgement on. I hardly achieve this, yet for no matter what function it can serve, i'll point out for the list that I approached this situation with a very open brain. Q. Did the girl status within the driveway therefore determine herself to you? A. certain, she did. Q. Who did she say she used to be? A. She stated she was once the landlord of the dog's spouse. Q. I comprehend you are Bernie Davis's mom. A. certain. Q. How lengthy have you ever identified him? Q. Now i will convey you what has been marked as State's show No. 2 and ask in the event you realize the image. A. John Fletcher. Q. that is you? A. convinced, sir. Q. and also you have been current while that photograph used to be taken, correct? Q. As an officer of the sidestep urban Police division, did you cease an car bearing Kansas license plates SCR446? A. sure, sir. Q. used to be the car occupied on the time? Q. Please nation the site of your correct foot instantly sooner than influence. A. instantly earlier than the effect, my correct foot used to be positioned on the rapid finish of my correct leg. Q. have you overwhelmed your spouse? A. No. i would slap her round a bit, yet I by no means beat her. Q. simply what did you do to avoid the coincidence? A. I closed my eyes and screamed as loud as i may. Q. What are you able to let us know in regards to the truthfulness and veracity of this defendant? A. Oh, she'll let you know the reality. She acknowledged she was once going to kill the son of a gun - and he or she did. Q. And one more reason that you just did not want to move in the market was once since you feared on your existence? A. sure, I did. Q. Why?

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